Tip
1. Take a spray bottle of window cleaner, a shammy and a marigold
glove. This is so you can clean the outside of your train window
thoroughly before your adventure, should you wish to see anything of the
world outside.
Tip
2. Providing your manage to clean your window, by day three you will
become suspicious that you train is going round in circles. This is
because the passing view from the window, of grassy meadows and thickets
of silver birch, as beautiful as it is, has not changed. It will
resemble the repetitive scrolling background of a cartoon chase
sequence. Do not become anxious, this is normal. Bring a good book.
Tip
3. Prior to your relaxing 7 day journey across Siberia, Mongolia and
China, invest significant pre-holiday time strengthening the quadriceps.
I suggest 20 squats morning and evening for 3 months. This is because
anyone with the remotest sense of personal hygiene is not going to want
their thighs ever touching the the toilet seat at the back of the
carriage. Especially considering you will not be able to shower during
your trip, and good strength will be needed to overcome the swaying and
jolting of the train.
Tip
4. Any previous 'time inside' will be of benefit in your preparation
for the trans-Siberian, which is much like being in prison. You are
confined to a cell most of the time, with just 20 minutes exersise
allowance every 3 hours when you stop in a station. This is also an
opportunity to smuggle luxury food items and alcohol on board, to break
up a diet of super noodles for dinner and gruel for breakfast. There are
no cooking facilities on board and no drinking water - just boiling
water issued directly from a tiny unpredictable tap as the train lurches
around all directions.
Tip 5. Pack a comprehensive burns first aid kit.
Tip
6. If, like many, you plan on cycling 4000 miles upon completion of
your trans Siberian experience and are taking your bicycle and trailer
along for the ride, exchange your ticket immediately with one issued by
British airways directly to Beijing. Any talk of a 'luggage carriage' to
store ones bulky bicycle is pure fabrication and you will end up
sleeping with it, leaving you just a sliver space just 16 inches wide.
Tip
7. Each carriage is governed by an angry little person called a
'Pravinitza' This individual is in charge and controls what you can and
can't do. During your time on the trans-Siberian, they are your God.
Don't keep calling them the 'barmitza' as I kept doing.
Tip
8. When you stop at the border and are told that you will be there
for several hours, don't think that this would be a good time to go for a
6km walk and climb a nearby hill without telling your anxious wife you
are going. Her expression will be very stern upon your return and you
will be held in disfavour for several hours.
Tip 9. Bring toilet paper. It's that or use your hands.
Tip
10. This is the MOST important tip. Unless you are on the first
carriage, NEVER EVER stick your head out of the window of the moving
train. Not because your head will hit a post, but because the toilets of
every carriage empty directly onto the tracks. The wind whips the pop
and wee back down the train. Anything exposed on the outside of the
carriages behind gets liberally sprayed with fresh excrement. I learnt
this the hard way and only after it had happened several times with
clear blue skies... I had the sudden and disturbing realisation that
those occasional 'brief rain showers' were something very different and I
quietly took myself off to the bathroom to scrub my face off . Now you
understand the need for the marigold glove in tip 1.
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