Chris' Top 10 tips for anyone thinking of enjoying themselves on the trans-Siberian railway:

Tip 1.   Take a spray bottle of window cleaner, a shammy and a marigold glove. This is so you can clean the outside of your train window thoroughly before your adventure, should you wish to see anything of the world outside.

Tip 2.   Providing your manage to clean your window, by day three you will become suspicious that you train is going round in circles. This is because the passing view from the window, of grassy meadows and thickets of silver birch, as beautiful as it is, has not changed. It will resemble the repetitive scrolling background of a cartoon chase sequence. Do not become anxious, this is normal. Bring a good book.

Tip 3.   Prior to your relaxing 7 day journey across Siberia, Mongolia and China, invest significant pre-holiday time strengthening the quadriceps. I suggest 20 squats morning and evening for 3 months. This is because anyone with the remotest sense of personal hygiene is not going to want their thighs ever touching the the toilet seat at the back of the carriage. Especially considering you will not be able to shower during your trip, and good strength will be needed to overcome the swaying and jolting of the train.

Tip 4.   Any previous 'time inside' will be of benefit in your preparation for the trans-Siberian, which is much like being in prison. You are confined to a cell most of the time, with just 20 minutes exersise allowance every 3 hours when you stop in a station. This is also an opportunity to smuggle luxury food items and alcohol on board, to break up a diet of super noodles for dinner and gruel for breakfast. There are no cooking facilities on board and no drinking water - just boiling water issued directly from a tiny unpredictable tap as the train lurches around all directions.

Tip 5.   Pack a comprehensive burns first aid kit.

Tip 6.   If, like many, you plan on cycling 4000 miles upon completion of your trans Siberian experience and are taking your bicycle and trailer along for the ride, exchange your ticket immediately with one issued by British airways directly to Beijing. Any talk of a 'luggage carriage' to store ones bulky bicycle is pure fabrication and you will end up sleeping with it, leaving you just a sliver space just 16 inches wide.

Tip 7.   Each carriage is governed by an angry little person called a 'Pravinitza' This individual is in charge and controls what you can and can't do. During your time on the trans-Siberian, they are your God. Don't keep calling them the 'barmitza' as I kept doing.

Tip 8.   When you stop at the border and are told that you will be there for several hours, don't think that this would be a good time to go for a 6km walk and climb a nearby hill without telling your anxious wife you are going. Her expression will be very stern upon your return and you will be held in disfavour for several hours.

Tip 9.   Bring toilet paper. It's that or use your hands.

Tip 10.   This is the MOST important tip. Unless you are on the first carriage, NEVER EVER stick your head out of the window of the moving train. Not because your head will hit a post, but because the toilets of every carriage empty directly onto the tracks. The wind whips the pop and wee back down the train. Anything exposed on the outside of the carriages behind gets liberally sprayed with fresh excrement. I learnt this the hard way and only after it had happened several times with clear blue skies... I had the sudden and disturbing realisation that those occasional 'brief rain showers' were something very different and I quietly took myself off to the bathroom to scrub my face off . Now you understand the need for the marigold glove in tip 1.